had i read msbenefit 's comment to my previous post earlier, then i would have heeded her advice for sure...
that being said, She texted me saying, "will you call or pick up? i've been patient--and not excessive, fair--so answer." i texted back saying i'd rather talk online...she said talk to her on the phone first then online...i was torn...if my mom had not just had surgery, i would not have answered...but because my mom did just have surgery, i didn't want Her to call my home phone and wake my mom up...remember, i can't block her number on either my home or cell line, it's a real big rip-off...so i answered...i think we talked for all of ten minutes...she of course opened with, 'cut it out, this is retarded, you need to sit on your pride for five minutes yada yada tear down tear down tear down'...She has a theory that if it's said in a nice way, then you can't accuse it of being an asshole thing to say...sick, right? she asked about school...she was basically begging for information because I DON'T WANT TO TALK!!! so she told me about the tornadoes they had yesterday, how she blew her paycheck, and that was about it...i am not talking to her online...
i started to write Her a letter...i wrote it with the intention of not sending it, but just getting out what i wanted to get out...it was so healing, it really was...by the end of it i was in tears, of course, at how fucked things had gotten...but all in all, i needed to do that...helped me get to sleep...and i slept hard...with no help...but i woke up due to bad dreams that i can only assume had something to do with my thoughts on all this...one day i'll be able to actually talk about it more productively, but right now i really feel the need to keep some things to me...
in completely different news, you guys must check out the band The National...oh my god, they make me weak in the knees...and they'll be in Atlanta on the 14th of June and i have every intention of going..tix are only 12 bucks and i tried to get myself a ticket but the website was fucking up, and i just don't have the patience for it right now...there's a song called "90-Mile Water Wall", god, it's so good...i'll try to find lyrics for you guys...but the sound...god the sound...violins!
90-Mile Water Wall
Well I know that you know
that you've become the target of this hand
with never even asking
Well I know that you know
that you're the only thing that I can stand
so how could your hair
have the nerve to dance around like that, blowing
and how could the air
have the nerve to blow your hair around like that
I'm waiting for a 90-mile water wall
to take me out of your view
I'm looking for a trap door trigger
to drop me out of your view
Yes I'm listening I'm listening
I can tell that you are serious
Your looking for that hurt look around my mouth
the look of a steep fall
yeah that's how Hersey put it
so you can make another claim
well go ahead and make it
so you can make another claim
well go ahead and make it
I'm just waiting for a 90-mile water wall
to take me out of your view
I'm praying for a trap door trigger
I'm just waiting for a 90-mile water wall
to take me out of your view
I'm praying for a trap door trigger
Yes I'm listening
I can tell you're serious
i'll blog more later...
