it's been a long time since i've been here...and a lot has happened in that short (long) time...

the most note-able thing that has happened is that just recently i quit my job (no two week notice from this gal), packed all my shit and took off for Austin, TX...i'm currently in a hotel wondering what i'm going to do next...the plan was to move into an apartment, but feet have become hesitant...i'd like to be in a big city, with my own apartment...but the reality of the situation has to hit eventually...and i think it is now...not that i'll betray all plans of moving out...but we shall see what we see...

so right now, as i sit in this shit-hole hotel, i consider what i'm doing...no job, horrible (or getting there) credit, big dreams, big risks, but regardless, i feel really good right now...i really do...maybe not the most responsible thing to do, but we all have our choices...and i took it...

i should be out seeing this city, it's amazing for sure, but i've gotten lost so many times i'm scared of doing it right now...need a break...

i know i need to elaborate but for whatever reason, i don't feel like blogging right now...my bad...

it's the small things in life that really make me smile sometimes...like hearing about how the girl i'm interested in, and who i hung out with last night, talked about our evening last night at work with a fellow co-worker and smiled a lot while discussing it...it may not be much, but again, it's the small things...

we did have a good time last night...but i'm playing my cards wisely this time...we'll see if it pays off...

i've learned many a lesson in the past couple of months that i finally get to put to the test, sort of...

in the meantime, i'm going to have fun with what's presented me...and that goes for anything right now...i need the fun...

amazingly, when you worked a 12 hour shift the night before, a regular shift at work goes by so much more quickly...it was rather dull tonight, though...and they asked me to come in tomorrow, but i said nay...i need a day off...not necessarily from work, but from life in general...

Sherri and i, as i'm sure you'll all be so very surprised (insert sarcasm) are still not doing well...at all...in the least...and it's truly time i discern whether i'm ready to ditch her yet...i know i need to, but i'm not sure i'm ready...(thanks msbenefit  for this very profound statement)...

the latest catastrophe occurred when Sherri heard how happy i was discussing the fun i had working with the chick i like at work...she realized that she doesn't make me that happy, that i don't have that tone in my voice with her...and it wasn't a jealousy thing, she just FINALLY realized how much of a douche she's been...how much she's draining the life out of me...and she left it at she wants me to be happy and that i can't be when she's around...which i want to doubt...or i do doubt, rather...

my low self-esteem just says she doesn't want to have anything to do with me...she was never in love, she will never be in love...which inherently has me question why?  what's wrong with me? 

i ask myself this too often now, as i'm not wanting to be alone anymore...i've been there, it was good at the time it needed to be, but now i'm lonely when i'm alone...and i hate it...i HATE it...it breaks my heart...because not only does it mean i'm alone, it means i'm alone for a reason, and i can only assume that reason is me...

i know we're supposed to love ourselves first before we can love anyone else or allow them to love us, but i dare say that if someone said i made their heart go pitter-patter, that'd be enough for me to feel wanted...i've yet to meet that person...where are you?  why can't i do that? 

this is droning on into yet another emo post...and i loathe that as well...

so i will leave this on a good note, that i do know that i win people with my wit...i am a funny smart-ass...i can be crude, i can be unrelenting, i can be bold as shit when i need to be...and i can flirt like you wouldn't believe...

and i did...

and i enjoyed it...

in the meantime, i know Sherri wants me to leave my phone on, but it's going on silent once i finish my jack and coke...i'm tired...i've had a rough week...and i have two days off...i want to enjoy them properly...something says i won't...but my intentions are to try...

i want this woman!  look, do you see that symphony!  glorious...i want her!